Russians Love Croutons?

Stale Rye Bread Rocks. Especially with Cheese!

Name: Rye-Bread Cheesy Croutons
Category: Drinking Food
Ethnicity: Russian
Brand: Flint

Russia must be explored as a frontier for food exploration. I am certainly a novice when it comes to its cuisine intricacies. Sure, I know some of the food my family served me as a kid, like Pelmini, Borscht, and Beef Stroganoff. But I desire to adventure beyond the classics. Now sampling cheesy baked rye-croutons is nowhere near real Russian Food. It IS however, a brief glimpse into this massive country’s daily snacking culture. More importantly, here’s what you need to know: Rye-flour crotons are EXTREMELY common snacks to eat with cold Russian beer like Baltika and all flavor flankers. This snack happens to be cheese flavored, which like most people, isn’t a problem. They are SUPER crunchy little rectangular croutons that taste like rye bread and aged parmesan. Yes, they actually taste like the $20/pound Italian staple; it’s rather uncanny. Each bite is savory, crispy, and well, bready. Though I have never eaten this snack, it comes as no surprise that these little guys are very popular. With it coming in so many other flavors, it’s clear that Flint is on a roll with their flagship snacks.

Final Word: Perfect crunch with a cold one. Now I just need to get my hands on some Baltika lager. 

I Like to Snacku, Snacku…

Name: Snacku (Veggie Flavored Rice Crackers)
Category: Rice Crackers
Ethnicity: Filippino
Brand: Regent Foods Corp.

“Proudly Pinoy” is stated on this brightly green bag of veggie chips by Regent out of Manila, Philippines. With just one look I am lit with joy. Snacku is a brilliant name; one that both makes total sense (it’s a snack) and is also silly (Snacku sounds like an infant saying “Snack” wrong). Another wonderful thing that Snacku features a picture of the product that accurately reflects the actual product itself.

Snacku claims its little green puffy rice sticks are flavored like a mixture of vegetables. Regent couldn’t be more wrong. Unlike the accurately described veggie sticks by Korean/Japanese brand Lotte, these taste like American barbeque sauce crossed with onion powder. I’m talking deeper, saltier, more savory in taste than veggie snacks typically offer.

But I wasn’t expecting a deep vegetal flavor because…well, they’re crackers. Like many of the Filipino treats I’ve had through the years, Snacku isn’t trying to reflect reality. Rather, it’s trying to give you comfort food flavors you know and love. In this regard, Snacku doesn’t disappoint. As I think about it’s unique flavor, I keep eating and enjoying the green savory snacks with pleasure. Now that the bag is done, I think I’m going to make a salad…

Rating: B+ (Savory, BBQ-Flavored Non-Veggies!)

Cheese Pretz (Cho Umaboso)

Above and Beyond the Duty of "Cheese-Flavored Pretzel Stick"

Name: Cheese Pretz
Category: Pretzel
Ethnicity: Japanese
Brand: Glico

It's hard to sometimes break associations of foods with the places they originated from. Even as an intrepid food eater, I sometimes get weirded out when ethnic foods are taken out of context and appropriated into different cultures. Take pretzels for example. The traditional lye-treated pretzel we all know and love is a European-born doughy treat from the middle ages most famously perfected by the Germans. Though pretzels are sold and consumed throughout the world, they are typically not associated with Asian cuisines. Japanese snack generals Glico have decided to create a line of pretzel snacks and turn the pretzel world on its head. Well, that might be taking it a little too far. But I am very impressed. To me, PRETZ isn't a box of pretzel sticks. PRETZ turns boring old salt pretzels into flavorful works of art. They of course do not come close to the authenticity of hard, dried baked pretzels. But they do something else: they improve upon them. PRETZ sticks are seriously thin and come thirty to a box. The portion is important because it seems like they know I will be wanting many more of these as soon as I devour the first five sticks. These pretzel sticks are simply amazing. They're crunchy, delicate, and deep in savory flavor. Now just like pretzels aren't indigenous to Japan, neither is cheese. Well, butter and other dairy products are quite prevalent in northern Japan (Hokkaido) but elsewhere it's just not around. These pretzels are covered top to bottom in an absolutely delicious aged cheddar cheese flavor that I cannot get enough of. It goes beyond cheese too. Each bite gives something new notes to love: peppercorns, basil, soy sauce, Parmesan, complex saltiness. After each bite, I am reminded that these are really not similar at all to the cheese-covered pretzels I ate for most of my life. Then I realize that I don't care because PRETZ are so much more than your average pretzel snack. The crunch is perfect, the flavor is rich in profile and the size is just right for serious snacking. There are dozens of PRETZ flavors and I plan on trying them all with great zeal. I have Glico to thank for taking someone else's snack and making it more delicious and interesting than ever before. Thanks for the innovation!

Rating: A (Sophistication is a Cheese Dust Pretzel Stick)

Lay's Beer n' Brats Potato Chips

Beer n’ Brats Potato Bring Life to the Party

Name: Lay's Beer 'n Brats Potato Chips
Category: Potato Chip, Snack
Ethnicity: American
Brand: Lay's (Frito-Lay, Inc.) 

Here is another funky flavor from Frito-Lay’s “Do Us a Flavor Contest”. The flavor? Beer n’ Brats Potato Chips. Now this is a smart idea, people. Meat and potatoes are two complimentary flavors inseparable since the dawn of time. It’s clear a potato chip that tastes like meat would be a natural conclusion. In this case the chip is replicating both the juicy, salty, meaty bite of a freshly grilled bratwurst and the crispy earthiness of a fried roasted potato. But then Lay’s throws a curveball by introducing “beer” into the occasion. Now we are getting somewhere. See Bratwursts are German by descent and are always consumed with delicious German beer. Just as in Germany, Americans love this combination just as much as Germans, hence the need for a very American potato chip deprived from the flavor. I am very excited to eat such a funky flavored chip. Upon first bite, I taste very little. You’d think the flavor would immediately be explosive and intense because the proposed flavor is so strange. But then it develops into something special. Like Violet in the chocolate factory, I taste as if I am eating a classic German dish. I am tasting big notes of schnitzel (no joke) and creamy and buttery mashed potatoes. The flavors start to come alive. The seasoned pork and the crunch of the chip go so well together. Each bite of another brings memories of my juicy grilled sausage and hearty roasted potatoes, in chip form! Yet as I continue to eat, I am searching far and wide for the beer flavor; it simply isn’t there. Shouldn’t this chip have some sort of light beer faint happiness or malt notes? Well man, it’s a chip! I didn’t notice the beer flavor. Yet, as I wind down my taste test, I notice that there is a texture that I have not noticed before. A slightly carbonated sensation is noticed on my tongue. Is this what they were going for? Maybe I’m just dreaming because that would be too insane. Or would it? Regardless of the possibility of Lay’s making a beer chip feel like beer on your tongue or not, this chip is insanely good. It is, in fact, one of the best lay’s chips I have ever consumed, period. All chips should have or start with this flavor. Start with this as a base and move upwards. They’re savory, deeply satisfying, salty, and for once, real tasting! The poor bugger who invented this flavor won’t the props they deserve. However, I think it’s kick-ass and proves that creativity in a boring snack world could bring some miraculous results. 

Rating: A- (Mostly all Potato Chips Should Start Here)

Lay's Southwestern Queso Potato Chips

The Tex-Mex Crunch that Needs No Dip

Name: Lay's Southwestern Queso Potato Chips
Category: Potato Chip
Ethnicity: USA
Brand: Lay's (Frito-Lay, Inc.)

Americans know it all too well: the cheese dip. Its a thick, golden yellow sauce that has graced hundreds of millions of party tables and Tex-Mex dishes throughout this fine country and Mexico for decades. The cheese dip is creamy, fatty, salty, and processed to the point that it almost doesn't even look like cheese, which I am pretty sure is the point. In an American get-together, friends and family would take their salty carb snack of tortilla chips, potato chips, or pretzels and scoop up the yellow liquid for their mouths to feast on. The cheesy crunch sustains us as a party crew and entices our appetite for the lovely meal to come. But the cheese dip in its original state is quite different from what is commercially sold and consumed in America currently. The original cheese dip is of course MEXICAN, hailing from Mexico and then traveling through the US states that boarder it (Texas, New Mexico and Arizona). Called "Queso", after the Mexican word for Cheese (Hello!), this dip or sauce includes flavors indigenous to the origin area. This dip begins with the base of mild to sharp cheeses like Pepperjack, Monterey, Velveeta, or other processed cheese blended together over heat. Milk or cream cheese can be added for extra creaminess (potential stomach ache alert). To achieve the classic Queso flavors, fresh chopped tomatoes, jalapeños and bell peppers are finely chopped up and incorporated into the hot cheesy sauce until ready. 

Now, was that too much? Perhaps. But our snack of the hour is an experimental one that cleverly plays with this important dip to both Mexico and America. As a part of the long running fan-flavor contest, Lay's has invented possibly their best and most "normal" experimental chip flavors. First these chips are excellent because they provide a clean canvas for weird funky junk food flavors. I must say, the flavor of this chip is right on the money. As soon as I take my first bite, I get a rush of salty, peppery creamy cheese flavor just like scooping up some killer queso. Then I get delicious and requisite tomato and bell pepper flavor followed by the deeper sophisticated Southwestern cumin flavor. I just think that this chip hits the classic dip flavors so well. I love that the cumin flavor isn't overpowering as it often is, if improperly used. The balance of pepper and spiciness has been met perfectly. And though Queso features a classic artificial flavor, this chip tastes truly natural to me. Slightly spicy, cheesy, salty, peppery: these representative Queso flavors brightly shine through on this chip. It is the perfect party chip, with the dip built right in. Party On, America and eat this chip!

P.S. Drunk college students salute you.

Rating: B+ (The Dip Everyone Gushes Over, in Chip Form. Thanks Lay's!)

Walker's Cheese, Cucumber & Salad Cream Potato Crisps

Finger Sandwich Potato Crisp Psychedelia

Name: Walker's Cheese, Cucumber & Salad Cream Potato Crisps
Category: Potato Chip (Crisp, Dude)
Ethnicity: English (Leister, UK)
Brand: Walker's Snack Foods

England is obviously known for their Crisps and for good reason: They're usually fried right, seasoned well, and are typically addictive. Walker's Snack Foods is the brand that brings English chips to the masses and have been for almost 70 years. It doesn't hurt that their parent company is PepsiCo either. Walkers have dozens of flavors from famous to foreign but what stopped me in my tracks was last year's new line of "Sandwich-Flavored" chips. Though I haven't tried too many of these flavors, I was able to get my hands on what I consider their funkiest new flavor: Walker's Cheese, Cucumber & Salad Cream Potato Crisps. To many Americans, would be a strange-ass flavor. Even though I traveled to London last year, I did not encounter this sandwich anywhere. It is however, very cool that there is a potato chip that tastes like one. Regardless of whether I am an English sandwich connoisseur , it is obvious that this chip tastes like this sandwich. Put frankly, it is a cheesy pickle potato chip made to emulate this rather strange English finger sandwich. The first flavor is a mild cheddar cheese taste that pairs well with the second flavor of veggies. I don't really get the flavor of cucumber but for the purposes of this chip, no one really cares. The last flavor is Heinz Original Salad Cream, which oddly enough ties this chip together beautifully. But let's just try to understand this strange English condiment. I mean, what the hell is it? Is it mayo? Well they have mayo too in England. Is it for salads? Of course! This dressing is a go-to pre-made cold salad ingredient meant to make your salads instantly creamy and vinegary. Just add veggies and/or protein and you have a convenient cold salad to go with your lovely sandwich. Whatever this creamy liquid is, I have to say, is really good with these chips. The salad cream brings a tart, creamy and slightly yogurt flavor that I did not expect. So was this a good flavor experiment? Absolutely.  The flavor combination is strange but just works right. It is basically a cheesy, mayo, pickle sandwich rolled into a potato chip and if that doesn't get your drunken taste buds going, I don't know what will! 

Rating: A- (Funky, English, Creative, Oddly Addicting, Baby!)

Korean Salty Seasoned Cuttlefish Corn Chip

Seasoned Fish Chip for the Unseasoned Funky Food Adventurer

Name: Salty Seasoned Cuttlefish
Category: Corn Chip
Ethnicity: Korean
Brand: Hwani Global, Inc.

Who knows Cuttlefish? Americans are kind of clueless about Cuttlefish. We are way more into Calamari, primarily the coated and deep-fat fried version served in Italian-American restaurants and bars. Cuttlefish, like squid is consumed all throughout the world and is an obvious go-to snack flavor especially for Asian countries. Here we have a corn chip that is seasoned with salt and cuttlefish seasoning. I must say, this snack is really not too bad. Besides the fact that the chips were expired by several months, they were crunchy C-shaped airy potato crisps with faint shrimp and squid flavors. I thought they were going to taste much fishier but were surprisingly mellow. Each bite presented a tingly feeling on my tongue but I attribute that to the MSG the snack is unabashedly loaded with. Every little C is a tiny bit nutty, a bit sweet, and barely fishy. So should you go run out to your nearest Hmart and buy these crazy little snacks? Well if you want to push the boundaries of your snack game, this is where you can start. It is a squid-like flavored chip that you most likely can handle in a heartbeat. Regardless, you can always stand by their unifying package statement: "Delicious Cuttlefish snack to munch for any occasion with friends, family yourself..."

Rating: B+ (An unexpectedly good tasting snack if you don’t love seafood chips)

Spicy Korean Crab Stew (Kkotgetang) Flavored Chips

A Boldly Spicy Korean Soup Gets its First Potato Chip

Name: Spicy Korean Crab Stew (Kkotgetang) Flavored Chips
Category: Potato Chips
Ethnicity: Korean
Brand: Bing

Sour cream and onion, barbecue,  jalapeño, spicy crab stew: one of these flavors are not associate with potato chips? Oh, what's that you say? Not a fan of seafood flavored chippie crisps? Try telling that to Asia. Every country in Asia has at least 5 seafood inspired potato chip snacks! The flavor of this chip has been developed straight from a classic Korean Cookbook. Kkotegtang is the Romaja spelling of Spicy Korean Crab Stew, a soup that has sustained South Korea for hundreds of years. Now this stew features complex flavors of fresh crab, doenjang, gochugang, fresh herbs, sea kelp, Korean chiliesgarlic, scallions, radish and sesame oil. Distilling that deep profile into a potato chip is a difficult task but Korean brand Bing seems to nail it as best as they can. Upon first observation, these chips are shaped like crab already making them cute as hell. First bite, the flavor is intense, peppery, and smokey. The flavor then turns into a sweet seafood flavor, reminiscent of crab, clam and shrimp. These chips contain soybean, milk, and shellfish extracts. Seriously, it's like the chips are alive. Lastly, there is a slowly rolling spiciness that permeates through your mouth. I dig how the spice lingered and developed from the chip. Texture wise, the chip was crispy but then airy on the inside; it almost melts effortlessly in your mouth after chewing. So what's verdict? Well, to be truthful, they're excellent. I've never tasted a chip that has such a sophisticated and refined seafood flavor. It's sweet, smokey, and spicy and seriously delicious. If you don't trust me, why don't you ask the chef on the package? He's happy. He's wok-tossing the chips. Just like Grandma!

Rating: A- (sophisticated seafood flavors infused into a delicate chip)